


To Change One's Heart

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: RyuKita Week 2019 [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of abuse, Ryukita Week 2019, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 21:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: A brief conversation with Ryuji makes Yusuke realize they might have more in common than he expected. So, when Ryuji asks for his help, he’s willing to do everything he can to aid him.RyuKita Week Day 3: Partners in Crime





	To Change One's Heart

It wasn’t unusual for Ryuji and Yusuke to spend the afternoon in Akira’s room, playing games, marathoning series, or simply talking about whatever came to their minds. If Yusuke had to be honest, he was still getting used to the idea of having… Friends. Of course, he’d sometimes talk to people in his school, or Madarame’s previous apprentices, but it had never been something he did by choice, when there wasn’t a specific reason for it.

But, with them, it was different. The time they spent together was quite pleasant, even when they did nothing productive for the whole day. Besides, they were the ones to come to Yusuke and ask him to be with them.

“It’s getting late,” observed Yusuke, when they finally finished the last episode of that season. “We should go immediately to the station, or we’ll miss the last train.”

“Just stay here for the night,” said Akira. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, anyway.”

Ryuji looked at him, a playful smile on his face.

“Aww, you’ll miss us if we go home?” he asked.

“I will,” answered Akira, grabbing Ryuji’s arm with both hands. “You guys are the only ones who bring joy to my life… You’re my reason to—”

“Okay, I get it…” Ryuji interrupted him with a chuckle, messing his hair. “Well, it’s fine by me… I just have to call my mom.” He turned to look at Yusuke. “And you?”

“I see no problem, either.”

Akira celebrated with an excited “yay”.

“The bed is mine and Mona’s,” he announced soon after.

Ryuji furrowed his brow at him.

“Can’t you treat your guests a little better?” he asked.

“No,” answered Akira, while fixing his glasses. “I’m a terrible person. A brooding, mysterious, sexy villain.”

“You mean a nasty crime boy.”

Akira threw his pillow at Ryuji, who managed to grab it and throw it back at Akira, hitting him on the face.

“So,” started to say Yusuke, interrupting their _fight_ , “which one of us will sleep on the couch?”

“Just a moment…”

Saying that, Akira searched his shelf, taking one coin from above it. He hid his hands on his back for a moment, then placed both in front of his body, closed into fists.

“Here,” he said to them, “choose a hand.”

Ryuji offered him a funny look.

“Why all this?” he asked. “Couldn’t we just decide with rock-paper-scissors, or something?”

“My room, my rules,” answered Akira with a shrug. “Now, both of you, choose your hands.”

“You’re such an asshole…” Ryuji rolled his eyes, then turned to Yusuke. “Choose first, I trust your bad luck more than my good one.”

Yusuke did as he said, choosing the right hand. Akira grinned before opening it, showing the small coin on his palm.

“Well, looks like Ryuji gets the floor,” he said.

“I’m starting to regret staying the night,” complained Ryuji.

“C’mon, we’ll make it comfortable for you.”

“I really doubt it… But okay, I guess.”

They made an improvised cushion for Ryuji using a few extra blankets, which was far from perfect, but at least a little more comfortable than the floor. After that, they talked for a while longer, until the sleepiness became stronger, and they decided to call it a night.

Yusuke didn’t know if he got to sleep for a while or not, before a low sound beside him called his attention. He opened his eyes, seeing Ryuji getting up, carefully crossing the room and going downstairs. He wouldn’t have thought much about it — probably coming to the conclusion that he was going to the bathroom or drink some water — if he hadn’t seen a glimpse of his expression as he walked away. Something seemed wrong.

Yusuke pondered for a moment, but decided to go after him, walking downstairs with light steps not to wake Akira and Morgana. He found Ryuji sitting by one of the tables, close to the window, his face buried in both hands, and the sight worried him.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

Ryuji looked up, a little startled. He wasn’t crying, as Yusuke thought, but his expression still lacked the usual vivacity.

“Ah, Yusuke…” he said. “No, I just…”

He stopped talking, shifting a little in his seat.

“You had a nightmare?” suggested Yusuke.

Ryuji shook his head.

“Not really a nightmare…” he said. “It’s just… Lying on the floor, facing a couch… It sounds really stupid, but it made me remember somethin’ bad from when I was a kid. So I just had to…” he shrugged. “I don’t know, clear my mind, I guess?”

“I understand.”

Ryuji nodded, and silence fell upon them. Part of Yusuke considered going back upstairs, giving Ryuji some space. However, for some reason, such a thing just didn’t feel _right_. He looked at his friend for a moment, trying to think of something he could do.

_What would Akira do in his place_? He seemed to always know how to make people around him feel better, in a way Yusuke doubted he would ever be able to. Still, he tried.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asked, finally.

Ryuji averted his gaze.

“It’s nothing, really…” he said.

“Are you sure?”

His friend hesitated for a moment before answering.

“It’s really stupid.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” said Yusuke, approaching that table, sitting across from him. “If it’s bothering you, it shouldn’t be.”

Ryuji turned his eyes to him again, then a subtle smile took his lips.

“You’re really nice, y’know?” he said.

He looked at the table, staying silent for quite some time. Yusuke waited.

“When I was about eight, my old man came home drunk.” He started to say in a hesitant voice, making more pauses than necessary, as if unsure of how to turn his thoughts into words. “He started to scream at my mom over nothing, so I tried to make him stop, but he just shoved me, and I fell over my arm.

He stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“It was really painful, but he didn’t let my mom take me to the hospital, or even help me get up. So I just stayed there, on the ground, looking at that damn couch and bawling my eyes out, while he screamed at me, telling me to shut the hell up… He kept saying I was faking it, that he didn’t even use any strength,” his face contorted in a light grimace. “She only managed to take me to the hospital late at night, after he fell asleep. Turns out it was broken in two different places…” He lowered his voice to no more than a mutter. “Didn’t stop him from beating her later, though.”

A long, tired sigh left his lips.

“Sorry,” he said, “this kinda came outta nowhere.”

Ryuji looked through the window, and Yusuke observed him for a moment. Those words didn’t sound strange, or implausible to him, on the contrary: they felt way too real. He opened his mouth more than once, wanting to say something, but unable to find the right words.

“I understand it,” he said.

He considered stopping there, but before he knew it, he was speaking again.

“When I was little, I accidentally ruined a painting I was making for Madarame’s exposition. He got so angry he locked me in my room, and said he wouldn’t let me out until I finished a new one, and only if it looked perfect.”

Ryuji’s attentive eyes were now on him.

“The problem is, I couldn’t do it,” he proceeded. “I shouldn’t have spent much more than a day there, but I was so scared that it seemed like a long time. I started wondering if I was going to starve and die in that room.”

“He didn’t even feed you?”

“He did, but I think he waited enough time for me to think he wouldn’t,” he made a brief pause. “However, when he realized I wasn’t making any progress, he let me out and simply hit me a few times with his cane.”

Ryuji’s eyes widened a little.

“Dude, that’s… That’s terrible.”

“I agree,” said Yusuke. “When I saw that painting at the exposition, I almost vomited on the floor. Thankfully, I managed to reach the bathroom before it happened, or things would get worse. Even now, sometimes I have the urge to check the door to my room, to make sure I’m not trapped inside of it. I know it’s something irrational, but I simply can’t help it.”

He looked into Ryuji’s eyes.

“So, I understand,” he added.

“I see…”

Ryuji stayed silent for a second, then a low, humorless laugh left his lips.

“It’s really shitty, isn’t it?” he asked. “Remembering these things outta nowhere.”

“Indeed.”

“What do you do when it happens?”

“I simply wait for it to pass.”

“Yeah… Me too.”

Ryuji observed Yusuke for a moment, thoughtful.

“Hey, y’know…” he said. “If you ever wanna talk about this with someone, I’m here, okay?”

“Sure.”

“I mean it,” he insisted. “Just don’t go through this alone.”

“I understand,” Yusuke offered him a light smile. “My thanks.”

Ryuji reciprocated the gesture, and this time it seemed sincere.

“Aren’t you going back to the bedroom?” asked Yusuke.

“I’ll be there in a while. I just… Need a little more time.”

“Very well.”

Yusuke got up from his seat, but before walking back to the stairs, a thought crossed his mind.

“Oh, Ryuji…” he said, looking over his shoulder. “I believe I should extend your offer back to you. If you ever need someone, you can come to me.”

Ryuji nodded.

“Thanks, man,” he said, then raised his hand, in a brief wave. “Sleep well.”

He went back to the attic, and was about to take his place on the couch again, when Ryuji’s brief story came back into his mind. Instead, he lied on that pitiful, improvised mattress on the floor, getting as comfortable as he could — which wasn’t much, if he had to be honest. He closed his eyes, but didn’t fall asleep instantly. A long time passed, and he was starting to doze off when Ryuji finally came back to the room. He stopped close to Yusuke, who still had his eyes closed, standing there for a while, probably confused by that change.

“Weirdo.”

His low voice was soft, and carried some fondness in it. Yusuke couldn’t help but feel a light twitch in his stomach, though he didn’t know the reason why.

 

* * *

 

After that day, something changed between Yusuke and Ryuji. It started with Ryuji talking more to him when the group was together, then to both of them exchanging messages in an almost daily basis, and, later, to them going out together in their free time. Soon Yusuke realized, with some surprise, that Ryuji had become the closest person to himself, and that he was far from unpleased by that fact.

That’s why he knew something was wrong as soon as Ryuji sent him those messages, a few days later.

 

**Ryuji: can we talk?**

**Ryuji: i need ur help**

 

He frowned at those words.

 

_**Yusuke: What** _ _**’s the matter?** _

**Ryuji: i need to steal a heart**

_**Yusuke: A heart?** _

 

Ryuji didn’t answer after that, and Yusuke’s concern only grew bigger.

  
_**Yusuke: Whose heart?**_

 

It took his friend a long time to answer.

 

**Ryuji: my moms**

  
For a while, Yusuke didn’t know how to answer, simply staring at that single line in disbelief. He had met Ryuji’s mother before, and, as far as he knew, the two of them got along well, and truly cared about each other.

 

_**Yusuke: Why?** _

**Ryuji: lets meet tomorrow in shibuya**

**Ryuji: ill tell u there**

 

Yusuke agreed, but it was difficult for him to have any sleep that night. He couldn’t keep that brief exchange away from his head, and the more he tried to make sense of it, the less he understood.

On the following day, he left his dormitory in the morning. It was a Sunday, so the Phantom Thieves didn’t have any plan, using the day to rest and distract themselves. He would usually spend his weekend with Ryuji either way, so it didn’t feel much like a change of plans.

He met his partner at the station, and, when he noticed his presence, Ryuji smiled at him. It seemed forced, though, and his eyes looked tired.

“Hey, dude…” he said.

He approached Yusuke, who didn’t give him the time to make any small talk.

“Care to tell me what is happening?” he asked.

Ryuji’s smile faded from his face.

“Can we go there first?”

Yusuke agreed with a nod, and, without wasting any more time, they entered Mementos. For a moment, neither said a word, and Yusuke was about to repeat his question when Ryuji finally said:

“I’m worried about her.”

Yusuke looked at him, waiting for him to proceed, and Ryuji hesitated a little before doing so.

“She’s been coming home later than usual these days,” he said. “I don’t think she even gets like, five hours of sleep at night. She’s always tired, and sometimes I wake up in the morning and realize she didn’t eat the dinner I left for her. She just keeps taking more shifts, and…”

He stopped talking, lowering his eyes.

“I know that’s ‘cause of me. She feels like she needs to work hard for my sake, and I…” his voice cracked. “I fuckin’ hate it.”

Yusuke noticed some tears forming in his eyes, but decided not to mention it.

“Have you talked to her?” he asked.

“I tried… But she always changes the subject. If I insist, she starts to lose her patience, and I don’t wanna fight with her.”

The more he talked, the more dejected he looked, and it pained Yusuke to see him like that.

“So, you thought stealing her heart would be the best solution,” he concluded.

“Maybe the only solution.”

Yusuke observed Ryuji for a while, not sure of what to think of the situation. He understood his friend’s motives, but… Something about that plan didn’t seem _right_.

“Why not tell the others?” he asked.

“This… It’s too personal,” explained Ryuji. “I’m just tellin’ you ‘cause…”

“Because I asked you to.”

Ryuji lowered his eyes.

“Yeah, I guess.”

There was a brief, slightly tense silence between them.

“Shall we start searching, then?” asked Yusuke.

“Yeah,” agreed Ryuji.

Without saying much else, they started walking over those rails. It was way more exhausting to cross Mementos without Morgana’s help, but Yusuke still followed Ryuji without complaining. They did their best to remain undetected, managing to avoid unnecessary confronts. However, the deeper they got into the place, the more Ryuji seemed to hesitate.

“Is something wrong?” asked Yusuke.

“I…” Ryuji didn’t look at him as he spoke. “I’m really gonna steal her heart, ain’t I?”

Yusuke stopped walking, placing a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder so he did the same.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.

Ryuji opened his mouth, but couldn’t answer for a while.

“I don’t know…” he admitted.

“You need an answer,” insisted Yusuke. “Do you want to do this, or not?”

Yusuke didn’t raise his voice, but his words still made Ryuji flinch a little.

“I… don’t know…”

Ryuji pressed his lips together, but, despite his efforts, tears soon started rolling down his face, under the skull mask. He took the mask off, trying to dry them with his glove.

“I’m just tired of seeing her overworking, and worryin’, and cryin’ when she thinks I can’t hear… And I can’t do anything to help! The way things are now, I’m nothing but a burden to her!”

Yusuke placed his hand on Ryuji’s back, and, before he could say anything, Ryuji approached him, burying his face on Yusuke’s chest as he sobbed. Surprised, Yusuke hesitated a little before hugging his friend back.

“I hate this so much…” muttered Ryuji after a while.

“I can imagine,” said Yusuke. “Did you, perhaps, try saying this to her?”

“’Course not…”

“Maybe you should.”

“How would it even help?”

“The way I see it, you’re both too worried about each other to look at yourselves,” explained Yusuke. “Hiding your worries and acting all on your own… You’re not too different from your mother.”

“That makes no sense.”

“It doesn’t?”

Ryuji didn’t answer for a moment.

“She’s the one doing everything for me…”

“And you’re the one trying to save her,” added Yusuke.

Ryuji raised his head, looking at Yusuke.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said. “I’m tired of seeing her like that, but…” he lowered his voice. “I don’t wanna change her.”

“You don’t have to,” answered Yusuke. “My apologies… I can’t be of much help when the subject is family. All I can do is share my point of view.”

Ryuji nodded. He didn’t move away for some time, and Yusuke let him stay close until he calmed down a little. A few minutes passed like that, until Ryuji took a step back.

“Shall we go back?” asked Yusuke.

“Yeah…”

They left Mementos, making their way through the real word train station. Usually, Ryuji followed Yusuke to his platform, keeping him company until his train arrived. But, that day, Yusuke was the one accompanying him, not wanting to leave his friend alone. Ryuji didn’t protest, simply sitting beside him on the bench.

“Did I make the right choice?” he asked after a few minutes.

“I can’t say for sure,” admitted Yusuke. “But I’m glad you didn’t do it.”

The shadow of a smile took Ryuji’s tired face.

“This’ll sound stupid,” he said, “but I’m kinda scared of facing her at home.”

“Why is that?”

“No idea…” he shrugged. “Guess I’m just a coward.”

“You’re not. You simply care about her.”

Ryuji nodded, but his gaze was distant, as if his mind was elsewhere. It took him a while to speak again.

“Hey, Yusuke… I’m sorry for today.” Ryuji lowered his eyes to the floor, placing a hand on the side of his own neck. “I made you come all the way here, and spend the whole day searching that place for nothing,” he sighed. “I’m just the worst, ain’t I?”

“I came because I wanted to,” Yusuke assured him. “Because I, too, care about you.”

Ryuji didn’t look at Yusuke, but something changed in his expression.

“Y’know…” he said. “I just said all this, but I’m glad you’re here. Dunno how I’d be dealing with this if I was alone.”

“That’s good to hear.”

They didn’t say much after that, since soon Ryuji’s train arrived. Yusuke waited until he was inside, and they exchanged brief waves of their hands before the train departed. Only then Yusuke made his way to his platform, and to his dormitory.

 

* * *

 

When Yusuke messaged Ryuji on the next day, to make sure he was fine, the response was, once again, for them to meet at Shibuya after class. It worried Yusuke, who soon imagined Ryuji was still unsure of his choice. However, when he met Ryuji at that usual place, he seemed fine — cheerful, even. They walked together for a while, trying to find a place where they could talk in peace, ending up in the alleyway close to Iwai’s shop.

“I talked to her,” said Ryuji. “Y’know, about…”

“I know,” answered Yusuke. “How was it?”

“First, she said I shouldn’t worry about it. I didn’t let the matter go, and after a while, we both got angry. We kinda had a fight, and…”

He looked at Yusuke, and a small smile took the corner of his lips.

“I don’t know…” he said. “Everythin’ just came out. I think we both were keepin’ too many things inside, and they all just came out one after the other. I understand a little better how she feels now.”

“And she understands how _you_ feel,” reminded Yusuke.

“Yeah…” Ryuji agreed. “We kinda cried a lot and hugged it out at the end.” He chuckled, his face brightening. “Wow, man… I feel so light now. I had no idea all these worries could be so heavy.”

He looked at Yusuke, lightly nudging his arm.

“And it’s thanks to you,” he added in a lower tone.

“You’re the one who talked to her.”

“Yeah, but… You gave me the courage to do it.”

Ryuji hesitated for just a moment, before pulling Yusuke close, hugging him.

“Thanks, Yusuke,” he said.

Yusuke smiled to himself, placing his arms around Ryuji’s waist.

“Don’t mention it.”

Now that everything had been solved, Yusuke was able to enjoy that proximity a little more. He wasn’t used to it, but it still felt good. For a long while, Ryuji didn’t try to move away, and neither did he.

“Hey…” he heard Ryuji’s concerned voice. “If this is bad, just… Just tell me, okay?”

“It’s not.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Good…”

Yusuke rested his chin on the top of Ryuji’s head. That closeness… He could easily get used to it, the same way he got used to Ryuji’s constant presence in his life, with his loud voice, unwavering trust, and small signs of affection, that made Yusuke feel safe… Loved.

Maybe he had a family, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic, kudos and comments are highly appreciated! ♥


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